-----------

(jan/feb 1989)

Captain Nintendo

What Happened In Part I: Brett Randalls, a member of Nintendo's R&D team was
accidentially endowed with special powers. The accident also brought to life
the Mother Brain from "Metroid." Brett and Tara, have just discovered their
friend, Max, and a terrified life-size Princess Zelda at the mercy of a 
larger-than-life Ganon, who in turn is being enlisted by the Mother Brain in
her attempt to... to... oh, you'll find out. Pass the popcorn.

"Aw, man," exclaimed Brett, "not Ganon! Not Ganon!" Turning to Tara, he 
confided, "Tara, I don't know what to do. These are the baddest villains yet
and I'm just one guy."

"Brett," replied Tara calmly taking his hand. "I don't know too much about
these new powers of yours or even what's really going on here, but I do know
this: You are the captain of your fate. You have great powers that are totally
unique. Look at yourself in the mirror. You are already more than 'just one
guy.' You are Captain Nintendo."

Brett Randalls turned to see his reflection in the tinted picture window of
the reception area. He gazed at the inspiring figure in the glass, adorned
with the costume he, himself, had designed. In that fleeting moment, he
realized his awesome destiny. Tara was right. Brett Randalls was now Captain
Nintendo. And now, Captain Nintendo was needed. Turning from the glass, he
stared bravely at the terrifying spectacle before him. As he took a step 
toward the perilously powerful monstrosities ahead and without turning his
gaze from them, Captain Nintendo remarked, "You know, this is turning into a
really long day..."

Concentrating, Captain Nintendo raised his arm shoulder-high and pointed his
fingers at the terrifying beast in front of him. But, before Brett could fire
any kind of blast, Ganon disappeared.

"What!?" thought Captain. "Where'd he... Ooof!!" Something unseen had knocked
Captain Nintendo several feet across the sloor and onto his costumed keester.
He was so shocked, he didn't even hear Tara (who by this time was trying to
administer First Aid to his unconscious best pal, Max) scream his name. 
Though considerable dazed, he could sense that Ganon was coming toward him.
Instinctively, Captain Nintendo bathed the area in different hues hoping to
change the light pattern around Ganon and make him visible. Going through the
spectrum had little effect until Captain hit upon ultraviolet rays. He could
just make out a huge form plodding toward him. He then increased the intensity
of the rays, casting a dim silverish wash over the entire reception area.

"Arroarrrggh!!" Ganon roared in pain and promptly became visible, waving his
apelike arms and glaring with crazed fury.

Cap wasted no time. Though weakened by the blow from Ganon, Cap focused a
concentrated beam of solid silver laser light and hit the towering beast
full force right between the eyes.

"Arroarrrrrgggh!!! Rrrraurrgghh!!" Ganon was definitely ticked off. He put
his paws to his smoldering eyes, stumbled back, and plopped to his own keester
with a considerable thud. He continued to snarl and complain unintelligibly.
Captain Nintendo noticed that the Mother Brain was quivering somewhat. He 
realized that the Mother Brain was directly controlling Ganon.

"All right, you two! That will be quite enough!"

Captain NIntendo looked up to see Morgana O'Faye, Nintendo's top receptionist,
descending the stairway which led into the reception area.

"I'm the one responsible for this area and I won't stand for any roughhousing
in here." scolded Morgana. "Take it outside where it belongs!"

"Where it belongs!! That's it!" said Captain Nintendo to himself. "Sorry,
Morgana," he said, redirecting his attention. "This... they... it..."

"Oh, Brett! It's you!" shouted Morgana getting a closer look. She had 
maintained a world class crush on Brett for some time now, though she never
let him suspect it. "I didn't recognize... Say, nice threads! I really like
the boots, but I'd put, like, a big S on the chest; or a bat. And over here
I'd try one of those."

"Morgana, I'd like to stay and chat, but I'm sort of in the middle of 
something and you've just given me an idea."

"Me? But I..."

"Brett, did you injure that thing permanently?" asked Tara, still attending to
Max who was starting to come around.

"I think he's only blinded temporarily," Cap answered, "which means we've got
to work fast. You and Morgana stay here and help Max and Zelda. I'll be back
very soon." As he turned to go he could see that Zelda, frozen with fear, 
looked like a mannequin, oblivious to everything. "Hang in there, Princess,"
he thought. "I'm going to get you the best kind of help... from 'where it
belongs'."

Brett raced back to the R&D department. "EMERALD!" he shouted.

"I saw. I saw." said EMERALD. "I intercepted magnetic field relays and watched
the whole thing through the security camera."

"Oooh, that's very good!"

"Thanks."

"So you know what I've got in mind?" asked Cap.

"Probabilities indicate."

"EMERALD, spit it out!!"

"Yeah, i know."

"Will it work?"

"Well, if we insert random values for unknown variables not already in
conjunction with constant factors..."

"EMERALD!!!!"

"I haven't got the foggiest idea!"

"Thanks a heap," said Brett and turned to leave.

"Hey, Brett," said EMERALD.

"Yeah?" said Brett.

"Good luck, man. Kick his tail."

Moments later Brett was upstairs in the Game Counselors area.

"Anbody seen Howard?" he asked.

"I think he's down in Production passing out autographs," someone said.

"Dude, are those longjohns you're wearing?" another Game Counselor shouted.

"Never mind," countered Brett. "Is anyone playing 'The Legend of Zelda'?"

"I am," said Phillip Bland, "but I'm only on Level 4. I've got a magic sword,
too, though I wouldn't even be this far if it wasn't for the other 
counselors."

Brett hurried to Phillip's desk and stood before the monitor. He stared at 
the colorful screen and concentrated. Suddenly, there was a bright flash which
gained the attention of the other Game Counselors. And there, standing beside
Captain Nintendo, was Link.

"Whoa, cool!" shouted the counselors. "Hey, Phil, what kind of controller are
you using? Is that in the Player's Guide?"

"Boots are killer, but the chest needs a star or..." the counselors continued.

Phillip, as usual, was dumbfounded.

"C'mon," said Captain Nintendo to Link. "Ganon's here. We need your help."

Without a word, the heroic pair bolted off toward the reception area where
they arrived to find Max, Tara, and Morgana fending off an obstinate Darknut.
And to make matters worse, Ganon was beginning to recover.

"The Mother Brain has just brought it here for reinforcements," shouted Tara,
noticing the Captain and Link arrive. "EMERALD says she didn't have to spend
any more energy controlling Ganon since he was hurt, so she managed to bring
this thing here."

"EMERALD?" inquired Captain.

"Que pasa, Boss?" came a familiar mechanical voice from the reception desk PC.
There on the screen was EMERALD and somehow it didn't seem to surprise Brett,
considering how quickly EMERALD learned what it was capable of accessing.

"I don't understand any of this," said Max, hitting the Darknut square in the
jaw, with no effect.

"Hit him from behind!" shouted Captain Nintendo. "It's his weak spot."

Max dashed behind the Darknut, raised his fists high over his head, and 
brought them down full force. Without a sound, it vibrated and vanished, 
though a faint cry emanated from the Mother Brain. Tara and Morgana sank on
the stairs, sighing with relief, while Max collapsed completely near the
reception desk.

"Grrrrraarrrgh!!!!!" Ganon bellowed, hig eyes wide and glowing red like
volcanic embers.

"Uh-oh. Dodongo breath's back!" EMERALD alerted. "And the Brain is pouring all
her remaining energy directly into him!"

As suddenly as before, Ganon disappeared.

"Don't be fooled, Link," said Captain Nintendo. "He's still here, somewhere."

Link wasted no time and struck out in the direction of Ganon's last location.
Bingo! On the first swipe, the sword connected hard against Ganon's thick 
hide. Stunned, he became visible for a few moments as the Mother Brain
quivered and shrieked. Brett fired another silver laser blast, but the giant
vanished too quickly.

"He seems to weaken when he comes into contact with something silver," said
Brett. "Do you have anything of silver?"

Link considered and then shook his head.

"Brett," cried Morgana, "try my letter opener. It's pure silver!"

Suddenly, Link fell back against a wall. The raging invisible Ganon had landed
a substantial blow of his own; a blow that had knocked the wind out of Link.
Captain Nintendo felt it, too, since he was directly maintaining Link's life
support to this world.

Out of nowhere came a pair of flying fireballs straight toward Link. With his
legendary lightning-fast reflexes, he struck the fiery spheres. As the sword
connected with the fireballs, Ganon again became momentarily visible and then 
vanished. Two more fireballs hit Link. Captain Nintendo could feel his energy
draining, though Link remained standing.

"He's too close to Mother Brain," said the Captain. "We've got to separate
them, Link. Draw him outside while I get..."

FLOOM!! Two more fireballs sped between the Captain and Link, just missing
them. Link raced toward the door and outside into the parking lot followed by
another pair of fireballs, almost clipping his heels. The door then seemed to
open by itself and Ganon's distinctive odor trailed outside. He was pursuing
Link. Captain Nintendo bounded to the reception desk and grabbed the silver
letter opener.

"Careful! It's sharp," cautioned Morgana.

Cap grabbed the letter opener and charged toward the door. As he passed by the
stationary Mother Brain, a drifting bubble seemed to deliberately swoop down
against his shoulder injecting a seering pain. Reflexively, Captain Nintendo
turned and fired an electrical blast at the Mother Brain, but hit her pedestal
instead, with no result. Jumping as high as he could, Brett fired another 
blast, this time directly into the Mother Brain. Though she seemed to absorb
the blast, Cap could tell she had been affected.

"Smoke that, witch!" He knew he'd made some progress, but there was a more
pressing problem in the parking lot. Cap shot out the door, dreading the 
destruction he feared had already taken place. He was relieved to find that
Link had thus far managed to dodge the fireballs in the unimpeded freedom of
the parking lot and as yet no real damage had occurred.

FLOOM!! Link, out of breath, succumbed to two more fireballs, which brought
him to his knees. Captain Nintendo, too, had to steady himself as he fell to
one knee from the loss of energy. They would not survive another such attack;
and the both knew it.

"Hit the next fireballs with your sword, Link!" shouted Cap

Link said not a word, but nodded his comprehension. A split second later,
another pair of fireballs were streaming toward him. With perfect timing, Link
raised his sword, divided the flaming globes, and for a third time, the savage
Ganon became momentarily visible. But this time Captain Nintendo was ready.
Just as Ganon began to come into view, Cap lunged toward him with the letter
opened, unerringly connecting with the target.

Ganon roared in incredible pain and began to flash in and out of visibility.
Cap could head shrieks coming from inside the building. The Mother Brain was
feeling the pain as well since she was directly supplying Ganon's life 
support. Suddenly, Ganon froze motionless and then evaporated as though he was
being beamed away. The letter opener hung in mid-air for a second and then
dropped to the ground. Captain Nintendo looked through the tinted glass and
saw the diabolic Mother Brain shimmer and slowly fade from sight, leaving only
a quickly dissipating black smoke behind.

"Well," said Cap turning toward Link who by now had risen to his feet. "What 
is there to say but Thank you, my friend." He stretched his hand to the fabled
adventurer. As the heroic duo stood shaking hands, Link smiled and spoke the
only words Captain Nintendo had heard him declare:

"I like the boots, but on the chest I'd put..." and then Link faded back to 
continue his adventure in Hyrule on the Game Counselor's monitor.

Inside, an anxious trio greeted Brett as he reentered the building. Cap waved
them off, however, and approached the PC. "EMERALD, is the Mother Brain gone?"
he asked. "Well, yes and no..." started EMERALD.

"EMERALD," said a very tired Brett, "one day, I'm going to fry your ROM."

"O.K., I'm hip. The Mother Brain is in a dormant suspension phase - what we
would call 'hibernating' until she can store up enough mental energy to resume
her plan. There's no way to determine how long she'll be gone. Might be 
centuries; might be just a few seconds."

"What exactly is her plan?" asked Cap.

"Recall her programming, Brett. The Mother Brain is programmed to attempt
world domination!"

"I hadda ask," groaned Captain Nintendo.

"Well, with that happy thought, I must be getting back to my desk. I'm way
past my break time," said Max and promptly departed.

"What a day," sighed Captain Nintendo as he returned the letter opener to
Morgana.

"Brett, what was it you were going to ask me just before all this began?"
asked Tara.

"Huh? Oh. Well, I just wondered if you'd like to go out with me? There, I said
it," said Brett like a heavy burden had just been lifted.

"Well, that's sweet, Brett," said Tara with a strange glint in here eye, "but
I really try not to date the people I work with, you know? Thanks anyway."

Tara proceeded down the hall as Brett watched after her, scratching his head.
Turning, he smiled at Morgana and then lumbered outside where he searched the
air with his eyes. He reflected on how his life and purpose had changed so
drastically in such a short time. And then he spoke:

"If you can hear me, Mother Brain, listen well: You will not succeed. For
wherever there is an injustice to be rectified, a person in need of rescue, or
a quest to be taken up, there also will you find the power of Nintendo... and
it will always triumph. I promise."

---------------